College
by hawkeyesbutt
Summary: Dean asks his dad if he can go to college. Oneshot.


Today he was gonna do it. He was gonna ask him.

"Hey, dad...?" Dean asked tentatively from the door leading into his and Sam's temporary room. His father grunted a reply, drinking down more whiskey while he watched television. He had just come back from a hunt a couple of hours ago; Dean knew this would be the best time to ask because they'd soon be on the road again and this was something he didn't want Sam to hear. He moved forward into his father's eye line. Still, he barely spared him a glance, still intently watching the television.

"Spit it out, boy," he spoke harshly, making Dean wince slightly. Okay, maybe this was a bad Idea. But since when did Dean ever have any good ones? He didn't, according to his dad.

"Do you think... I'd be able to go to college?" Although some would say otherwise, Dean was actually quite clever. He knew he could make it into college if he just had the time to stay in one place and do exams and money to get in. Surely his dad would let him do this, it was life experience!

Breaking Dean out from his internal thoughts was John's bitter laugh. Dean winced again, the feeling of hope slowly seeping out of him. "You? College? Who'd look after Sam? Since when have you ever wanted any education, boy?"

"Well, I've never had the chance to because we move around so much-"

"So it's my fault? Oh alright. Sorry that I'm trying to do my job and find that son of a bitch who killed your mother! This is the thanks I get for looking after this family?"

"I didn't _say_ that-"

"You may as well have! Dean, we don't have the money or the time, you need to look after Sam. That's /your/ job. Let me do my job, stop dreamin' up these things about college and shit."

Dean just wanted one more try, one more go. He edged closer to his father. "But dad-"

"I said NO!" With his arm outstretched, the sound of his hand colliding with Dean's face echoed off of the room. Dean stood in momentary shock. Gingerly, he raised a hand to his cheek, feeling the hot burning sensation. He looked up at his father. He was still angry but looked like he hadn't intentionally meant to do that. Either way, he kept his ground, refusing to apologise and make Dean back down.

Without another word, Dean left the motel room. John didn't try to stop him.

* * *

When Dean arrived back at the motel later, he found that his dad had buggered off again. He breathed a small sigh of relief, before stepping further inside. Moving to his and Sam's room, he saw Sam curled up asleep already. Dean felt a pang of envy, knowing that if Sam wasn't here, maybe he'd have been able to go to college. He pushed the thoughts away. 'I have to look after Sammy. That's my job.' He thought to himself as he slipped into his own bed.

"Dean?" The quiet, muffled voice from the other bed said.

"What?" Dean answered. His eyes were a little red from crying, but obviously he'd never tell anyone about that.

Sam moved into a sitting up position. His hair was askew, sticking out at odd angles. He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hands; something Dean found quite adorable in his little brother. "Where'd you go?"

"Sorry Sammy, I just... I had to get out for a little while, you know? You know where dad went?" Dean asked, hoping he hadn't gone to get more liquor. He could still feel the slap on the face over and over, like his cheek was still red with pain.

"Nah, but I heard you two shouting earlier. What wuz that about?" Sam blinked a couple of times, still trying to wake up. "You guys never fight."

"Yeah well, we did. It doesn't matter Sammy, it's not like it's gonna change anything."

"Mkay." Sam seemed to accept his response and yawned, sinking back into the pillows to go to sleep again. "It's Sam, Dean."

Dean let a small smile out. "Whatever. Night Sammy."

* * *

The next day, their dad returned and was packing their stuff up. Dean waited for an apology. His dad didn't give him one. He waited for one to come in the next couple days. Still nothing. Weeks went by, months, years... Nothing.

When Sam finally left them, rebelling against their fathers wishes, to go to college, Dean tried to force down that feeling of betrayal and abandonment from Sam and the feeling of his father slapping his face all those years ago when he asked if he could go to college. He pushed it all down, tried to ignore it. Part of him was still waiting for that apology.

It never came.


End file.
